From Bedtime Stories to Eye Rolls: A Parent's Guide to Teenagers in the UK

Just yesterday you were helping them zip up their jacket and teaching them polite English phrases. Today, you're an embarrassing relic from the '90s whose jokes, music, and sometimes native traditions are cause for sighing and eye-rolling. Welcome to parenting teenagers - a cauldron of emotions, hormonal storms, and wet towels left everywhere.

The transition from little children to little adults is like stepping onto a moving walkway... except nobody gave you instructions on where it's headed, and sometimes it starts speeding up without warning.

Work in progress

A teenager's brain is a construction site: the prefrontal cortex, responsible for planning and impulse control, matures last. That's why they can be geniuses and... forget to brush their teeth.

Psychologists call this stage "identity formation." Teenagers are intensely searching for answers to questions like: Who am I? What do I believe in? Where's my place in the world? They experiment with appearance, views, and sometimes even personalities - often changing everything like a kaleidoscope, from week to week.

For parents, this is a time of transformation: from chief decision-maker, you become more of a coach or advisor. You're no longer steering the ship, but you're a trusted navigator helping to chart the course. This transition isn't always easy - especially if you've previously had success with a more "directive" parenting style. But it's also an opportunity to build a new kind of relationship - one that respects your child's growing independence while still providing the unwavering support and closeness they need.

This is where the painstaking collaboration begins.

The art of letting go

You can't completely let go because the protective instinct is strong. But research (including Lawrence Steinberg's work) shows that independence is crucial for developing self-confidence. Instead of "because I said so," try asking "what do you think will happen if...?" "Positive" risks - like joining a team or school play - are good because they build confidence.

For parents of teenagers living abroad, giving more freedom can be harder than it would be in your home country. Especially here in the UK, because British society has different approaches to young people's independence.

So how do you find your own path among these differences? Scientists call it "connected autonomy." It's about enabling your teenager to have increasing independence while nurturing strong family bonds. It's precisely this balance - between freedom and support - that allows young people to develop healthily, regardless of latitude.

How to talk without talking to a brick wall

...and if you feel like you're doing exactly that - relax, you're not alone. Communication with teenagers can be tough. They can be withdrawn, moody, and sometimes just... quiet. But deep down they still very much need your support and presence - just on their own terms.

Really listen - without judging, without pushy advice. Sometimes the best conversations happen in passing: in the car, over pizza, or while watching a movie together. When we don't apply pressure, young people open up more often.

Open-ended questions help, like "What was the best part of today?" or "Tell me something about Sam?" It's also good to remember that the need for privacy isn't rejection - it's a normal stage of development. The key thing for parents is to be available and open when your child is ready to talk.

Raising a teenager in the UK? This is where it gets interesting... You might be used to a more direct communication style, while your offspring is absorbing new ways of communicating from English-speaking peers and teachers. This can lead to misunderstandings - but it also opens space for mutual learning.

Many teenagers become masters of "code-switching" - changing their communication style depending on who they're talking to. At home they speak one language (literally and figuratively), and outside completely differently. This isn't a flaw, it's a superpower - flexibility that will pay off in the future. Instead of getting annoyed about it - swallow your pride and try to learn this from your child. You might find it useful too!

Emotional weather: sometimes storms, sometimes sunshine

Constant mood swings are classic teenager territory. As psychologist Daniel Siegel ("The Teenage Brain") says, emotions are intense while rationality is still developing. Validate your child's feelings by saying things like "I understand you're upset," because this builds a sense of being heard.

Research shows that what really helps build a lasting bond with your teenager is precisely warmth and closeness - even when emotions are bubbling over and conversations hit rough waters. It's those everyday little things that have the most power: a hug (when your child wants it, not when you do!), a kind word, a shared passion, or simply moments of being together without distractions. All of this builds a bridge that can weather the storms of adolescence and leads straight into an adult relationship based on trust. Even if it's not always easy - it's worth it.

And of course, take care of yourself too - space for rest or hobbies is a must-have so you don't run out of patience.

The minefield of social media

Peer pressure + social media = emotional bomb. Help your teenager understand that the internet isn't always the truth and teach critical thinking about content. Set (together!) reasonable screen limits and encourage offline activities.

In migrant families, social media can be a way to maintain connections with friends and family in Poland, but they can also be a source of stress - they might intensify feelings of alienation or pressure to fit into a new environment.

That's why it's so important to talk with your child about their online experiences. CAREFUL: without judging and moralising! Open and relaxed chats on this topic can help them better maintain boundaries and find their footing in this digital reality.

This might surprise you

Even though they act chaotic, don't underestimate their process - teenagers are learning to make decisions and build confidence. The brain is super-plastic and absorbent then (yes, scientists confirm this!), so it encourages artistic activities, sports, and hobbies. Appreciate their astute observations - sometimes they'll really surprise you!

For families who moved to the UK, your child's adolescence takes on additional meaning. You're supporting your teenager not only through typical brain development stages, but also in finding their place in a new culture and building a sense of belonging. Celebrating old and new traditions can be helpful here, so everyone feels "at home." It's a wonderful opportunity, and perhaps the last moment, to cement multiculturalism in your child's identity.

Chaos and laughter

Parenting teenagers is an exhausting but exciting white-knuckle ride. The key is enormous flexibility, respect, patience, perspective, and a sense of humour - because sometimes you just have to smile at the sight of another mountain of clothes in the corner of their room or... that facial expression that signals an incoming sulk.

Remember: you're not alone. This is a phase that will pass, and for now - be available, listen, and support. And if you also feel you need support, look for parenting workshops or online forums where you can share experiences.

Sources:

1. Steinberg, L. (2020). Adolescence (12th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.

2. Siegel, D. J. (2015). Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. TarcherPerigee.

3. Gopnik, A. (2016). The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

4. Blakemore, S.-J. (2019). Adolescence and mental health. The Lancet, 393(10185), 2030-2031.

5. Ofcom. (2025). Children and parents: media use and attitudes report 2025. https://www.ofcom.org.uk/media-use-and-attitudes/media-habits-children/children-and-parents-media-use-and-attitudes-report-2025

6. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) The Teen Brain: 7 Things to Know https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know